September 1993 - Did I Really Hear That?
From J. Burke McCormick of Richmond, VA (Little, Parsley & Cluverius), this excerpt from a deposition he took "in a construction lawsuit between the developer of a large apartment complex (my client) and the general contractor on the project." The witness, a vice-president of the defendant, is being asked about possible bribes of a county building inspector.

Q. Did you ever give anything of value to any of those inspectors that came out?

A. Yeah.

Q. What did you give him?

A. I gave a guy a refrigerator.

Q. A refrigerator out of one of the units?

A. Um-hum. No, not out of one of the unites. Hell, no. I ordered it.

Q. Do you think that is proper?

A. That was the way they had to play with this guy.

[Later]

Q. Now, a little bit further, it says, "Pay-off for electrical inspector." Do you see that? "Pay-off for electrical inspector."

A. That's the same guy.

Q. The fellow that got the refrigerator?

A. Yes, that's the same guy that got the refrigerator. I bought him a six-pack of beer and he wouldn't take it. He said he wanted a refrigerator. So I drank the beer.
- posted by texasbar @ 5/16/2012

 
October 1985 - What's It All About?
This excerpt from an actual deposition originally appeared in the book "I Solemnly Swear" by Houston court reporter Jerry von Sternberg (Carlton Press, 1978).

Q. Have you talked to your lawyer about this deposition today?

A. Mr. Cox, shall I tell him?

Mr. Cox: Sure, go ahead and tell him.

Q. And what did he tell you?

A. Mr. Cox: shall I tell him?

Mr. Cox: Sure, go ahead and tell him.

A. He told me there was some smart son of a bitch down here trying to make you lie, but you tell him the truth, anyhow.
- posted by texasbar @ 5/15/2012

 
January 1992 - From the Trials of Buchmeyer, Too
Q. What did you do with the money you got from the land flip?

A. Bought a Mercedes 450 SL convertible.

Q. Why?

A. Well, it was a little less ostentatious than buying a Rolls Royce.
- posted by texasbar @ 5/14/2012

 
July 1997 - Making Buck Myer's Column
From Loren G. Klitsas of Houston (Celedonia, Smith & Klitsas), this excerpt from the long cross-examination of an investigating police officer "recording his opinions as to the cause of the traffic accident."

Q. Have any of your opinions changed after all this stuff that they've told you and all this stuff that they've shown you?

Mr. Klitsas: Objection, vague.

A. No.

(Court reporter sneezed.)

Mr. Lapidus: Bless you.

Mr. Celedonia: Are you saying that to the deputy or to the court reporter?

Mr. Lapidus: Good question.

Mr. Klitsas: That just made Buck Myer's column.
- posted by texasbar @ 5/11/2012

 
June 2004 - Classic Typos
Charles W. Hury of McAllen received this last page of an apartment lease guaranty form from a friend whose son is attending Texas A&M.

7. Binding Nature. This Guaranty shall be binding upon and unsure to the benefit of the parties hereto and there respective heirs, legal representatives, successors and assigns.

Charles adds: “Apparently … the parties to the contract, in an unusual flash of honesty, are actually admitting they do not have a clue as to how a guaranty actually works.”
- posted by texasbar @ 5/10/2012