November 21, 2014

September 2002 - The "Suicide Question"

From U.S. Magistrate Judge Marcie A. Crone of Houston, this "excerpt from a recent employment discrimination" trial in her court in which the Plaintiff alleged mental anguish as well as other claims

Q. I'm not asking if you attempted suicide.

A. Oh.

Q. I'm asking if you ever said you were going to commit suicide.

A. Oh, yes.

Q. And why did you do that?

A. To get people to talk to me, feel sorry for me, want to be around me, watch me, attention.

Q. Did you ever actually commit suicide — or — I'm sorry.

(Laughter)

The Court: Obviously not.

November 20, 2014

November 1991 - Verbal Typo's (Sic or Otherwise)

From Joe Riddles of Dallas (Riddles, McGrath & Greenberg), this selection from a deposition taken by Carroll Trout of his firm; Carroll is attempting to get some information about the plaintiff's recent trip to Mexico:

Q. When you went to Mexico last week, how did you get there?

A. On the bus.

Q. Did anyone go with you?

A. No.

Q. Did someone pass away?

A. A family member.

Q. Who was that family member?

A. A non-related family member.

November 19, 2014

June 1987 - You Coulda Been A Contender

Court Jesters collects these Major-League Stupid Questions — "the standard against which all others are measured: — as well as some Truly Great Contenders:

Q. Now isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

***

Q. The 24th of December — was that the day before Christmas?

***

Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?

A.Yes.

Q. Before or after he died?

***

Q.In your opinion, how far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

***

Q. And how did you know the policeman wasn't a dog?

November 18, 2014

December 1997 - From Anonymous in Houston

These contributions are from a retired state judge in Houston:

In a trial before the late Judge Joe Kegan (230th District Court), the assistant district attorney asked: "Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next."

***

This footnote from an opinion in the appeal of a robbery conviction (490 S.W. 2d 574):

1. On examination by his counsel the record reflects:

Q. ... have you ever heard about taking the 5th?

A. A 5th of wine?

Q. No, the 5th Amendment.

November 17, 2014

December 2001 - The Whole Enchilada

From Stephen White of Austin, this excerpt from a disciplinary hearing before the Texas Board of Medical Examiners heard by Administrative Judge Ann Landeros.

Q. And do you have your office space within this 1.4-mile area?

A. I do not.

Q. And some physicians do and some physicians don’t?

A. Correct.

Q. But having — based upon your experience at the various hospitals, do all of the ophthalmologists who have — who are — have a special training or such specialty in guacamole —

THE COURT: You want a motion to strike?

MR. PICKENS: Move to strike guacamole and insert enchilada.

Q. (By Mr. Pickens) Let’s get back to the situation, and we’re talking about the whole enchilada here or tortilla here, it looks like on the map here. Do all of the physicians who have subspecialty training in glaucoma have privileges in all the hospitals?