January 26, 2015

March 2000 - Classic Typos

From Fred Krasny of Houston (Fred is a staff attorney with the Gulf Coast Legal Foundation), this typo from a final Divorce Decree that he prepared "and that was actually entered."

IT IS ORDERED AND DECREED THAT, _____ shall, when he exercises his first period of possession following the entry of this Decree, return to _____ all of her music records, rug, pawn ticket for the .22 Daisy, her grandmother's guilt, deer rug and children's baseball cards.

January 23, 2015

June 2003 - The Not-So-Absent Witness

From Jim. D. Bowmer, in this criminal case the defense counsel had just moved for continuance on the ground of absence of a defense witness.

Judge: Well, why don't we call the list of witnesses and see who's here? (The list was called and the supposedly "absent" witness answered "Present.")

Defense Attorney: Your Honor, I move for continuance on the grounds of surprise. He promised me he wouldn't be here.

January 22, 2015

May 2001 - Did They Really Say That?

From Roger A. Berger of Houston, who was defending a hospital emergency room group in a malpractice case, this excerpt from the deposition of the administrator of the Group. The question by the plaintiff's counsel was intended to define the different types of emergency room patients - but it elicited a literal answer.

Q. What's the difference between a bed and a chair?

A. One you lay on, one you sit on.

January 21, 2015

June 2001 - My Spell Chequer Tolled Me Sew

U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks of Austin (W.D. Texas) publishes a quarterly newsletter for the Fifth Circuit District Judges Association. His last one, issued April 2001, ended with a poem he received over the Internet which, as Sam said, "is not only amusing, but [it] explains some of the errors in our opinions."

Ode to the Spell Checker
Eye have a spelling chequer,
It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss Steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say
Weather Eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid,
It nose bee fore two long,
and Eye can put the error rite -
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh.
My spell chequer tolled me sew.

January 20, 2015

January 1992 - From the Trials of Buchmeyer, Too

Q. What did you do with the money you got from the land flip?

A. Bought a Mercedes 450 SL convertible.

Q. Why?

A. Well, it was a little less ostentatious than buying a Rolls Royce.