August 22, 2014

June 1987 - Did I Really Ask That?

Court Jesters records this question asked by a lawyer: "what colour were the blue jeans?" As well as the lawyer who single-handedly (or mouthily) asked these immortal questions:

Q. How long have you known your brother?
Q. Were you alone or by yourself?
Q. How long have you been a French Canadian?

August 21, 2014

April 1989 - Did I Really Hear That?

From Robinson C. Ramsey of Wharton, this excerpt from a deposition in a divorce case; Rob is questioning the husband about a family estate trust that wenty awry."

Q. When did you find out it was not the right thing to do?

A. When I wound up in jail.

Q. When was that?

A. I don't really remember when that was, I don't remember.

Q. Do you remember approximately how long it was from the time you initially set up the trusts?

A. I don't know if that was a couple of years after that, or I really don't remember when that was.

Q. What were the circumstances that led to your winding up in jail?

A. It was - we were trying to, for lack of better words, hide income. In other words - and in doing that, we got audited ... It started when we got audited, and then the IRS agent that came to the house.

August 20, 2014

July 1996 - The Hoover Maneuver

From Dan Cutrer of Dallas, this excerpt from the trial testimony of a "Most sincere witness [who] had been hired as a 24-hour 'nurse' to a gentleman with various medical problems."

Q. But you have no training?

A. I have no certificate to prove it.

Q. I'm sorry?

A. I have not - I guess they give certificates. I don't know how to do that, but I've saved lives.

Q. How did you save lives?

A. I've saved my children's life before.

Q. How was that?

A. One time, when one of my boys was choked on ice, I was behind him and give him - I guess it's called the Hoover, up under the rib cage to cough it up.

Dan adds: "The record doesn't reflect the lengthy pause during which the lawyers bit their tongues, covered their faces, and tried their best not to laugh out loud."

August 19, 2014

January 2000 - Did They Really Say That?

From W. Marc McDonald of Fort Worth (Bourland, Smith, etc.), this "classically confused" statement made by one of his partners, William R. Korlo, Jr. during a recent deposition.

Mr. Korlo: All right. Let me turn your attention to Plaintiff's Exhibit No. 3. I'm sorry. For purposes of the record, I've been messing up. I keep saying Plaintiff's Exhibits and I'm actually Defendant's.

So let the record reflect that I don't know who I represent.

August 18, 2014

June 2001 - Classic Typos

(1) From M.C. (Rick) Walton of Houston (Union Pacific Railroad), this typo he found in a classified advertisement that appeared in the Texas Bar Journal just two pages before the "et cetera" column.

There are vacancies for patent attorneys with the Navel Research Laboratory (NRL) at its Washington, D.C., and Bay St. Louis, Miss. locations.

(2) From Randy Schaffer of Houston, this typo from a petition for habeas corpus relief. ...Applicant was denied a fair and impartial judge and sentencing hearing because the visiting judge, by deferring to jury verdicts in other cases, abdicated his responsibility to assess punishment based on applicant's individualized circumstances. Applicant is entitled to be resented by a different judge.

(3) From Clifford F. McMaster of Fort Worth, this typo made by a pro se plaintiff in an answer filed in a federal civil case in an "Answer to Order (sic) to Show Cause": To the horrible Judge Terry R. Means ....

(4) From District Court Judge Teresa K. Luther of Grand Island, Neb., this typo from a Petition to Modify child support that is currently pending in her court: The Petitioner has a new position whereby his wages have deceased.

(5) From District Judge Joe M. Leonard of Greenville (169th Judicial District), this typo from a brief in a consumer case. The Ard court further went on to disavow the Lee decision and accept instead the descent from the Lee decision.